The day I lost my marbles

I am part of a theatre group called Yours Truly Theatre (YT) and am doing a theatre season workshop for a year. This entails attending lovely classes and performances to a varied set of audiences and below is an account of our eighth performance but our first one which was a Sunday Interactive Performance (SIP) open to public. Our play was in 'complete the story format' (CTS), where the story is stopped at a critical juncture and the audience are encouraged to share their experiences, views and eventually arrive at a sequence of events or endings. These are enacted by the actors on the spot and this is one of the improvisation theatre formats. Our show was hosted on 27 Oct 2013, at our theatre space called YT ALMA. Below is my thoughts that flew down the keyboard to  monitor on the very next day.  Here goes!

 

 

 

Yesterday  was the first public show for paid audience. The word “paid” was driving us nuts as we were worried that we were not good enough and worried sick if we will be able to complete the story and not make a royal fool of ourselves. We had given seven performances to varied audiences but this one was special – why? I think we mentally emphasized the paid audience as deserving value for the notes that they had shelled out – there was a lot of pressure to perform. Before the show started, we were seated in front of the stage and speaking to each other – mostly because we were nervous and I was singing a song (that too a very lilting sensuous tamil number) that I had watched on TV the previous day. Each of us have our own way of coping with pre –show jitters, I think!!

As soon as the audience were seated, I was turning to see how many people had filled up. I refrained from counting heads and tried to whisper my anguish to Lisha and Sankalp – who were completely chilled out. All of us were awestruck by the brilliance of the first performance – “The Bully team.” Every show, I felt they were moving it a notch higher and true to form, they completely out did themselves. We were called next. The entire “Music team” performance was surreal. I felt the back drop was made for us, the balloons were beautiful and ALMA** was completely transformed just to house our very own story. The story of dreams, aspirations, love, rejection and success again (atleast that is my favourite ending in the CTS) Our CTS was brought to life by our entire team so beautifully. For all the time during practice when we agonized ‘will our CTS be too long or too short? Will it be too confusing with all of us being clueless? Will our audience like it?’ Yesterday, I felt our CTS portion was just PERFECT. I fell a little in love with the whole team yesterday – you guys and girls, rock!!

 

If I do not mention the third “Fear team,” I will be doing a serious disservice. The only thing that I wanted to ask both Aditya and Charit, how did you do that reflection scene to such perfection? You were glimpses of GOD!!

To Anusha, Madhukar and Radhika – my heartfelt thanks for giving our show colour, aesthetics and musical appeal. For our gurus – Nandini, Sumit and Vishal – there is a reason why you should be called our gurus – you took our play to the next level. When did our performance get infused with so much of a comic element without losing the essence? Vanakkam, Vandanam, Nandri. We are gifted to learn with you and from you.

 

**Every SIP, the way ALMA transforms itself (through the creative volunteers and directors) is a revelation. In my mind, ALMA is a beautiful person transforming himself/ herself every time to suit the show – Remember the back drop for Kannada Kavya Chilume, Masala Improv comedy, SIP whatever it was – ALMA looks different and beautiful each time, without fail. I love ALMA for that!!

 

What's in a name?

My mother has come home yesterday, and this reminds me of an interesting tit bit that happened many years ago.



Grandma and grand daughter fast asleep

This happened when we were enrolling our twins into pre primary school. Our limited preparation of my children to face the interview questions spanned across “What is your name?” “ what is your age” what colour is this?” kind of basic questions. We felt admission into school was equivalent to admissions into some university program and were intent on getting our children to prove their individual brilliance. At least in our minds, they were the equivalent of young Einstein’s and May Curie’s of the world. So our coaching started just 2 days ahead of the interview and we were quizzing them to see if they were answering the questions that we would ask most 2 year olds.

 

Grandma,ma and sweety

In our efforts to teach them their full names, we started with my son. When he answered “My name is XXXX” saying only his first name. We jumped in and corrected him. “Your full name is XXXX Satish” and once we were convinced he answered that we moved on to our dear daughter with the same question. She was bold and answered with the supreme confidence of any two year old “My name is YYYY Bhara” appending my name as she is a girl. We were tickled by her response and burst out laughing but for me that was a fulfilling moment when my daughter decided to carry my name forward as a woman and had made the simple deduction that boys carry on the father’s name and daughters will carry on with their mother’s. Bless you sweety, for carrying forward some part of me and this is a tribute to my mum and to you and the link that I am able to form between us!! Life is surely connected and I feel I carry a lot of bits of my mother forward though I have never seriously thought about it or specifically mentioned it!!

We are our mothers daughters and for that I am grateful :-)

First one thought on the many firsts

Today is the day of my first one thought and yesterday was the day of many firsts – the day we did the first TS3 performance in front a hooting and encouraging audience. Who better can we have as an audience than this passionate lot, who will walk up to you and say “it was deep, it was shades of grey, it was realistic, it was AWESOME!!” It was a definitive first for me where I was apprehensive of how the play will turn out as we had not rehearsed enough or so I thought, in my naïve but limited intelligence. It was also the first time, I let go and allowed my co-actor to lead me and what an experience it was! I learnt more through my co actors and following them than I would have learnt in many classes clubbed together!! Loved every minute of it and the fulfilment seems to gain clarity after a day or two.

Yesterday was also the day when I volunteered for the first time at the Kannada Kavya Chilume. I saw first-hand the beautiful back drop come to life and how it was done piece by piece (literally) I experienced the calm and focused actions of show manager, making the right decisions and calling the shots. I saw a lady perched on a high stool (she was climbing great heights for sure J) handling the lights with aplomb. I also saw musicians bring on the magic to stage and weave through every emotion on stage. How did they do it? The act was improv theatre and at least the music must be staged? No, it was going with the flow and establishing the stage, setting the tone, heightening the emotion and finishing with a crescendo. The actors were phenomenal and for all my lack of language skills in Kannada, I left after the circle time, a very happy, content and enriched volunteer. Ofcourse, thanks to the team for performing my favourite kannada word “avali-javali” during their practice sessions. Now I will always look at them (my avali-javali) with more love, more depth and more of satisfaction.

On the subject of my kids, yesterday was also the first time when I was away from my kids and husband for the first time for a full day. Don’t get me wrong, I travel abroad on work, I travel to various places to attend to some family functions, I travel to take care of our farm often….but yesterday seemed like I was away from my family to do something that I enjoyed, I cherished and I derived a lot of pleasure from. That came with equal parts of guilt, defiance and self-doubts. When my daughter asked me today “why were you so late last night?” I wanted to reprimand her but realized she also missed my presence. Being the quiet one, my son is yet to make an observation but my husband has been grudgingly supportive and ensures that home front is taken care of in my absence. So my dilemma from this third experience of firsts during this weekend has been whether it’s the right move to take away one whole day from my two days (weekend) with my kids till they will give it to me? I know very soon in about 3 years’ time, they will have other things to do, and wanting to spend time with uncool parents is almost certainly not going to happen with the cool and hip teenagers that they will be!! So right now, I am still contemplating, dissecting and feeling a bit low about the third first time ever…And I know this is also about my journey of self discovery. Every piece, every nuance and every emotion as an individual, as a mother, as a wife, as a professional and above all as a thinking being wanting to be a little better than what I was yesterday. I am not sad that I am at the crossroads rather I am happy that I arrived here today…I am content in the thought that I shall be…what I choose to be.

Happy to share my thoughts with you!

Outsource everything except being a mother and a wife

The creative team

Recently, I worked with a team of women on a newsletter as part of the "Women in IT" program.  This was a good experience as it exposed to me a lot of infectious enthusiasm and fun. My responsibility included interviewing  a senior leader, writing it up, editing the articles and creating the final copy along with the Chief Editor. Here is a picture of the entire team and a copy of the interview.

No appointments, No disappointments

Traditional at heart, yet modern in her views and outlook, Vasudharini Srinivasan is a shining example of a successful senior leader. She started her career as a Senior Systems Analyst at Mascot Systems and quickly rose through the ranks due to her innovative problem-solving capabilities and financial acumen. As part of her accomplishments, she has been instrumental in taking a new age internet service company through the CMM certification journey, she has led the PMO and Quality function followed by heading the Stores IT delivery organization at Tesco. She is a warm and caring person with a no-nonsense attitude and is happily married with two children aged 15 and 12 years. Here are some excerpts from an interview with her.

 Name few qualities which you think is able to help you get to the current level?

 Execution - Being a hands on technical person helps to lead a technical organization in the right path and ensures that leadership is execution focused;

Empathy - having a true connect with people ensures growth and a high level of retention.

Balance – knowing when to dive into the details and when to get the strategic outlay are a few of the key leadership qualities.

 How do you balance your various roles?

My mantra is, “Outsource everything except being a mother and a wife:-)” Basically, build strong support structures which can complete tasks and provide the time for you to focus on things that you need to complete. I love cooking, and it helps me de-stress, and so does spending time with my children and elders in the family. I believe in working smart to produce results and expect no less from my teams.

 What keeps you going in tough times?

I love humor. That is the most effective therapy during any tough situation. I carry less luggage (hurt, anger, worry, fear) and hence the journey is comfortable and enjoyable. Whenever I hit a rough patch, I tell myself that “this too shall pass” and this helps me to blithely move ahead when all mental weight has been shed.

 What is your view on why there is drastic drop in percentage of women at the top?

I think that the question is whether there is a credible drop in percentages as we climb higher. My answer would be no, because women make their choices and prioritize personal fulfillment over professional success. In the fight between the board room seat and the family hearth, I think the family hearth wins hands down. This is a conscious choice that women are making and there is no element of bias at the top. I think these choices are personal and every woman has to make it consciously. The only advice I would give them is never to allow a guilt gap to overpower or cloud these important career choices.

Be the best you can in what you are, what you do and where you go.  Best Wishes! 

Mrs Vasudharini Srinivasan - Head Stores IT, Tesco HSC

Olive - our lovely family member

Olive walked / ambled into our lives on 08 June 2003. She was born on 20 Apr 2003 and was part of a litter of puppies that we went to see. As experience has taught me, there is no seeing a puppy. You just bring them home because something just gives way and your rationale of why you cant have a dog in an apartment goes for a toss. I was 3 months pregnant, had been advised to expect a diifficult pregnancy as I was carrying twins and still we fell for the cream colored labrador female pup who was waddling towards us. We took her over to Ritu's house and embarked on choosing a suitable name. Satish wanted to name her Olive as I / she was Olive Oyl of the Popeye the sailor man fame. So she was christened while having tea with lovely friends and Olive playing with Giggles at Ritu's place.

During my pregnancy Olive ate all fruits with me with great gusto. I would later understand that she hated gooseberry as she spat only that when she tried it. She was home when I was in and out of the hospital and brought two pre-mature babies home. I had less time for Olive and as the kids started crawling I could not keep them away from Olive. She was the most patient with two kids who would sleep all over her, pull her tail, disturb her during her meal and try to ride her like a horse all the time. Not once did she growl or be impatient with the kids. There are times when I have asked her to leave the room instead of telling the kids not to disturb her. I used to jokingly say that she was the only person who listened to me in my own home :-)

 As she grew older, she mellowed down and was the gentlest dog in the neighborhood  Kids and mothers who were generally afraid of any canine form, were okay with Olive. They would come forward pet her and say that she was most gentle lady that they had met so far. Olive had a litter of her own to a gently and gigantic Samrat and that was her brush with motherhood. Satish and I delivered the pups.

Olive loved to swim in the sea at Kerala and accompanied us every year. She was a wonder to the village boys and girls who could not get over this dog who would fetch a Frisbee or stick after swimming further and further into the sea. But she retrieved the Frisbee / stick every time without fail. Satish loved to run with her and take her to the sea every day.

After spending 10 years with us, Olive passed on today 01 Feb 2013 due to an infection in the blood and the resulting complications. It was hard to see her sick and then go. Nothing prepares you though you are aware that she is in an exit mode. I think my ode to Olive is about how she converted the non dog lover in me to a tolerant lover of Olive. On the day she died, I am not sure if I can love or connect with another dog, the way I did connect with her but some relationships will always be special and cannot be replaced by a new one. I will miss her running away with my slipper as I enter the home from office, or her tugging my kurta /dress and not letting go till I had petted her and showered attention on her. She was unique adn wiill stay in my heart as my lovely dog. God bless you sweet heart and I hope you are born into another loving household which you will enrich the same way, you did ours!

Eight years and looking forward to more

Today I looked at the date, and realized that its been 8 years since I started my journey at Tesco. I started consulting with Tesco way back on 02 Jan 2005 to Program Manage the recruitment function.  Life has come a full circle and while I contemplate many happenings, I thought its best to pen down some notes from the heart.

Reflecting on many of the positives, this is my first experience in a large MNC and I still feel an integral part of a large company though Tesco HSC at heart is a very localized Indian set up that understands and supports employees and is very sensitive to the various cultural nuances of the Indian work force. I am grateful for this, as with all the ups and downs in life, it has helped me bring up two lovely children, go through a life changing accident and come out with more friends,  strength and tenacity.  Second, Tesco has a very core people value that may or may not be present in many large organizations. This has been a boon to sustain a long career with one company. This has also helped me sustain my motivation levels during the peaks and troughs in various work assignments. Third, I have had the good fortune to work with many good leaders, peers and subordinates who have had their part in moulding me in more ways than one. I can see a vast difference in my outlook, problem solving capabilities and the basic ways that I contribute and work as part of a team.

I wanted to take a moment to thank each one of you and wish you a very happy year ahead!!

As always, there is only one life and one way to look at it and that is to seize the moment and enjoy it while it lasts. I will continue to do the same J