Equal but special

Recently a friend asked me what were my views on giving women 1 day off on the first day of their period. Yes you heard it right - first day of every period, once a month to working women. I was plainly appalled by the question. Not because it was insensitive or crass but because it was bordering on genteel understanding and a supreme confidence borne out of considerateness for a woman's troublesome, painful, pesky three days. I promised him that I will try and articulate why I don't want it and here goes...

Picture credit - cnn.com

Privilege

Its my belief that I am born a woman out of accident. I could have been male / female/Androgyne. But the universe decided that I will be blessed and have the privilege of carrying a life and nurturing to birth. This was bestowed on me and not something that I earned or worked for. But to have that privilege meant that I will go through a natural process of having monthly period from when I am 14 yrs of age. Statistics say that 10 out of 100 women suffer period pain in varying intensities. As much as I don't want to brush it away as natural pain to be put up with, I don't want to encourage fellow women to completely abstain from work, normal routines and go into hibernation. From a more pragmatic standpoint, I would advice less stress, taking the day easier with a  chilled out attitude and maybe a couple of beers with friends after work. Be happy, take it cool and no need to take the day off! In fact, we should take the day head on :-)

Equality?

I have twin children -  a girl and a boy. My messages to them from birth have been that they are equal. As they grew up, I had to tell them that they are equal but not same - from the gender perspective. Now they are teenagers and with increasing nuances, I am also afraid to tell my children that they are equal but one is special. But special in what way?

• Special in a way that she cannot walk alone in the evening back home.
• Special in a way, she has to be practical about her dress sense.
• Special in a way that recruitment advertisements carry invitation for only women
• Special in a way that gender diversity is a big agenda in many companies

If I am an equal how do I explain special? If I am different and special and need a different stroke at different times how can I ever be seen as an equal? Will my colleagues from the other genders respect me or detest me for all the special treatment that I get, which for them is denied. I don't know what is special and hence I detest all special treatment that is considerate to me. In fact, I feel chauvinism was better and feminism celebrated too often and too freely.

Need Vs Want

I took on the world in my own terms a young girl from a small town, working and fiercely independent filled with ideals from Bharathiar songs (National poet who imagined a free spirited liberated woman - Pudhumai Penn) Unfortunately, nothing in life treated me as an equal to a male. Neither did I seize life in a way that overcame my own lifelong conditioning or subtle messaging throughout. I am exposed to an average middle class child hood and the much celebrated, over hyped IT industry and I hear down the rungs its worse in lower economic strata and lower paid sectors. Thinking about what would all women need today, I would say

• We need more safety for women
• We need to be able to walk anywhere without constantly watching over our shoulders
• We need better physical and sexual safety across industry, income groups and economic strata.
• We need equal pay
• We need better portrayal of women in  99% of advertisements - from toilet cleaners to toothbrushes to cooking masala and high end bikes - all of them objectify women.
• We need household work to be shared. Not from "I am a liberated man - I help my wife in the chores at home"  but more from a perspective of "this is our home, lets both share all chores and responsibilities" 
• We need to be free from the constant worry of whether my young child (girl/ boy) might be molested by some monster when we are away at work.

Maybe I will think about relief or rest during 1 day of menstrual pain after these existential and core issues are addressed. Maybe some day, but definitely not now.

Strength and Pride

I am trying to teach all children around me to be resilient , strong and be able to face challenges. How can we inculcate this kind of inner strength if I start from the pretext of physical weakness -during a period every month? What excuse will I have for the male team member who will run around screaming - I want a period and I want an off day too??? Partly I am also driven by immense pride and competitiveness. I think I can work equally hard and harder in tougher assignments at the workplace. If he can work 22 days a week, I want to be able to clock in more outcomes in lesser number of days. Not just clock 22 days or lesser but be able to compete equally and be recognized on fair grounds. I feel the menstrual privilege will put me at a serious disadvantage.
It will be a gradual weakening of the spirit and a collective slow poisoning of the spunky and courageous spirit of every woman. Maternity privilege is done, menstrual privilege is under consideration -what next?  Menopausal benefit?