No, Go, Tell says Dr Shaibya on "Personal Safety for kids"

Few weeks ago I arranged for a Personal Safety workshop for the kids. I got about 10 kids together, paid for the community hall at our apartment and made arrangements for having colours, papers and pencils and helped Dr Shaibya run this work shop for kids between 8 to 10 years of age. The reason I did this is - one I believe that it is important for all children to be aware of personal safety and two I knew that I would handle this topic badly and was sure that Dr Shaibya would do a great job.

Dr Shaibya is easy to talk to and related to the kids in a fantastic manner. Without much fuss, the workshop started at 10 am at the Club house in our apartment complex. There was a small ice breaker session where each child was asked to introduce them selves with an action and the entire group mimicked the action and called out the child’s name. Some children were adventurous in the actions like Adi who decided to climb the wall backwards while resting his hands on the ground J

Post the icebreaker, Dr Shaibya introduced the concept of safe adults through a fun drawing / tracing of one’s hand. She made the kids write down name of an adult in each finger with whom the child felt they could share any information or go to when they were in trouble. Further, she coached them on saying an emphatic “No” when they did not like the touch from any individual. She advised the kids to leave the room or place if a troublesome adult did not heed to the “No.” If going away also did not help, Dr Shaibya urged the kids to tell any of the adults that the kids had written down in their safe hand drawing. Thereby, she beautifully put it as “NO – GO – TELL” principle to be followed.

As a parent I agonized over, how to explain a good or bad touch. I was worrying whether I would be able to articulate correctly how a child can recognize a bad touch. Dr Shaibya had a simple and effective mechanism. Any touch that the child feels uncomfortable with, he / she should be able to say no to. I found this principle at the core of the workshop. No one will need to put up with anything that we intuitively feel uncomfortable about and children have a great sense of intuition and how to protect themselves. As parents, we should encourage them to rely on these instincts and not curb their responses.

At the closure of the workshop, the beautiful neem tree story was narrated and each child was asked to envisage themselves as a tree and draw and colour it. These drawings Shaibya wanted to take away as her keep sake. Overall the session was interactive, easy and one child summed it all beautifully in the feedback round. When asked if she liked the work shop, my friend Ha Ha Hasini said, “I didn’t like the workshop, I loved it!!”

Angels at home and on the phone

My twins are 8 years old and I have slowly started doing things I like rather than keep my life completely centred around them. Life was not the same when they are born and all the way till about 5 years. Being premature children and then having one adult dog at home (now we have two!!), the problems seemed insurmountable or at least deserved a proper escape route for a frazzled mother. My mother was always there to help but unsympathetic to the worries I was facing mostly because she did not understand these issues (health, moods or otherwise) that I was describing about our children. She was happily oblivious and said “I don’t know what all this fuss is about, in our days, we used to scatter food on the ground and you guys were happy to eat, you played all the time, and slept when you were tired. We did not watch over you as much as you do. We had lots of household chores to do” was her standard repose.

In all the countless days of breast feeding problems, husband killing madness, panic moments of ill health, surgeon visits, NICU stay and depressing mood swings I had 2 or 3 angels on the phone and at home. I think the people who top the list are Dr Shaibya Saldanha and Mrs Meena Sivaraman. Shaibya is my gynaecologist who was also my sounding board and advisor from maternity advice to marital discord. She did not hesitate to come home at 2 am in the night with her husband Eugene to give me some medication for severe wheezing attack during my post partum days. While my poor husband was running around trying to buy the prescribed medication, Shaibya’s husband Eugene was trying to rock one of my twins to sleep. What an amazing bunch of friends more than doctor!! That’s my first angel. She was the first person I called when I heard that my co brother had passed away. Should I fly with the kids to Mumbai or will it be too much of a strain? She gave me the right advice then and continues to be my angel on the phone and in person till date.

Meena with close to 20 years of experience in early development for all kids was the only reason that I could survive the toddler and preschool years. She taught me how to cope, small things to do that made a huge difference, how to handle one of my twins who would not sleep till 1.30 am in the night, and every other conceivable child care topic that you can think off. She is my second angel who still has her protective charms and easy words of advice for me. We were truly lucky to find such child care for my kids and in the process find such a good and honest friend in Meena. I feel blessed!

Satish – my husband is the angel at home. He would come back after a full day at work and still help me with the kids in the night. Amazing but true!! We have our moments of madness, fights, discords and make up episodes. His love and care for the kids more than make up for everything. To answer all questions on how do you manage a full time career, two kids, two dogs and a farm – the answer is with loads of help from lots of people and not the only ones mentioned above. Life is indeed beautiful when you have angels at home and on the phone!

Many people are surprised when they hear I hold a full time job in IT, have twins and 2 dogs at home. “How do you manage?” is the first question that pops out of the surprised mouths.“With loads of help” is my standard response. My husband is a guy who will share all house hold chores despite having a demanding IT career and running his own enterprise along with two other partners. He genuinely loves to play with the kids and keep fighting with them in equal measure. Mind you, my husband is not the only one to jump into the fray and help out. My in-laws, my sister in law (who will drop everything and run behind the kids, the minute I as much as wince from the work load) She is also supposedly the strictest aunt :-) My elder sister who flew down from Maldives to teach me how to care for premature twins. My younger one who will come anytime to help out managing the rascals. More more and many more instances and stories to share. How can I not mention Meera? Meera and I who have managed 3 kids when ever required. Its practically as if Meera had triplets instead of a singleton. Truly blessed with countless friends who have looked after my children on days when I had to go office or the farm or just to catch up on some well deserved rest. My mum, in laws who can spoil the kids silly and yet complain that we fuss too much over children these days :-)

Truly, India is the country to bring up kids. With relatives, friends and every one pitching in, its been a good 8 years so far. This is my note of thanks to all the lovely people mentioned above and countless others who have always contributed to looking after providing child care when I needed it the most. And without much ado…Thank you, Danke, Nandri…